Protecting public health

Reducing preventable disease

Keeping children safe

Improving student focus

Supporting mental health

Encouraging healthy habits

Reducing stress in daily life

Making schools more effective

Preparing students for the real world

Creating safer communities

Preventing addiction

Promoting responsibility

Protecting the environment

Reducing pollution

Encouraging civic engagement

Making public spaces safer

Improving access to education

Supporting working families

Reducing burnout

Increasing productivity

Preventing accidents

Encouraging critical thinking

Fighting misinformation

Supporting scientific research

Protecting vulnerable populations

Encouraging kindness and respect

Reducing violence

Improving communication

Promoting fairness

Encouraging accountability

Strengthening democracy

Supporting local communities

Reducing inequality

Improving quality of life

Encouraging lifelong learning

Promoting honesty

Supporting emotional well-being

Preventing harm before it happens

Encouraging healthy decision-making

Creating a more informed public

Supporting youth development

Improving public trust

Encouraging balance in life

Reducing unnecessary risk

Protecting shared resources

Improving long-term outcomes

Supporting evidence-based decisions

Encouraging thoughtful behavior

Increasing the awareness of people's 5th amendment right

Promoting social responsibility

Ban volcanoes to prevent climate change

Deputize bald eagles as federal law enforcement

Mandatory background music during all political debates

Bee propaganda campaigns to improve national morale

Outlaw fire because it’s present in every major disaster

Require mood rings for all public officials

Eliminate chairs to improve focus and posture

Regulate walking speed in urban areas

Prohibit mirrors to reduce anxiety and narcissism

Ban umbrellas because people who carry them get sick anyway

Replace traffic lights with vibes and intuition

Mandatory capes for emergency responders (correlates with heroism)

Abolish small talk to increase honesty

National nap hour to solve burnout and productivity loss

Make whispering illegal; it correlates with secrets

Prohibit left turns because they cause more accidents

Assign everyone a government-issued theme song

Replace standardized tests with obstacle courses

Require politicians to pass a lie detector and a rhythm test

Ban nighttime because crimes happen at night

Replace warning labels with interpretive dance

Outlaw pigeons; they’re always near suspicious activity

Require all news to be read by children to ensure honesty

Mandatory happiness training for sad weather regions

Prohibit sarcasm due to its link with negativity

Replace national flags with color-changing LEDs

Ban coffee after 10 a.m. to reduce stress culture

Institute silence zones for thinking too hard

Eliminate Mondays; productivity drops correlate strongly

Require eye contact to unlock phone apps

Legalize arguments only in haiku form

Ban notebooks; over-planning leads to anxiety

Replace detention with guided forest wandering

Require elected officials to be mildly embarrassed once a week

Outlaw boredom; it’s linked to bad decisions

Mandatory clown noses during serious meetings

Replace police sirens with calming chimes

National “touch grass” initiative (literally enforced)

Remove clocks from schools to reduce time pressure

Require all apologies to include snacks

Prohibit rain because it ruins moods and events

Replace grades with emojis

Requiring people to hug during the high notes of the National Anthem

Ban escalators; stairs build character

Require people to earn their last name

All laws must rhyme to be enforceable

Remove doors; closed spaces cause secrecy

Mandatory optimism licenses

Replace prisons with very intense book clubs

Declare yelling a public health emergency